Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Learn Essential Zombie Survival Skills In Broadgate

With climate change, the credit crunch, celebrity culture, unhealthy diets and MP's expenses claims all getting worse, it's only a matter of time before the undead rise from their graves and slake their unholy thirst with the blood of the living.

That's the claim of Dr Dale Seslick, leader of a crack team of Zombie Apocalypse survival consultants, who will be visiting Broadgate this Friday, to host an Essential Zombie Apocalypse Survival Skills course at the New Continental.

According to the New Continental's website:

Seslick's popular Seminar deals with such sensitive issues as: What is a Zombie? Am I a Zombie? Is she a Zombie? Is he a Zombie? Are you a Zombie? Are they a Zombie? and of course the age old question - est tu un Zombie?

The impending threat from the legion of the undead is one that has been all too long ignored by the political establishment. Attempts to alert members to the danger of a crowd of stinking and rotting corpses asserting their diabolical will over the land of the living have made little impression in the House of Lords.

This is a course no Broadgate resident should miss, learning zombie survival skills, while supping a pint of real ale at the Conti, is far preferable to watching your own intestines being ripped out by lumbering cadavers.

Dr Dale Seslick is stopping in Broadgate as part of a national tour that will equip the whole country with zombie survival skills, a tour that will culminate in Edinburgh, city of Burke and Hare, the infamous body-snatchers. The seminar in Edinburgh coincides with the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

For live video footage of Dr Dale Seslick's teaching, see fellow Preston Blogger 'The Temple of the Matmos'

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